It's about time I wrote you...

12/31/2015 04:52:00 AM

I'll start off with this. 

Since I know you and your entire family frequent my blog I figured this was a good place to write this. This is meant in good fun, if it hurts your feelings I'm sorry. 

Dear him and everyone else, 

To him...
I know we have said a lot of mean things back and forth directed at each other, truths have not been told and children have suffered. However, in the end I can't find it in myself to hate you.. You still won't tell the truth about what happened and I'm ok with that, if I have to bare the burden and be the bad person I will... God knows the truth and for me to continue to harp on it only poisons my mind he will get my wrong doers in the end. Truth is God gave us two miracles and you had no right to take them from me, I never hurt them and you know that... I couldn't. You took them to hurt me and I hope one day you are able to overcome your need to hurt others, I pray for you everyday. I would like to say that you have no idea what you've taken but you do, you know what you're doing and you know how bad you're hurting not only me but our amazing children... No one deserves what has taken place, NO ONE. I pray everyday that you will come around and realize letting our kids have a mother and a father that love them is the ultimate greatness and that you will let that happen. 

To his wife... 
As jealous of you as you think I am... I am not. I'm actually quite happy for you that you found someone that was able to place stability in your life and your child's, I know that was something you desperately needed at that time in your life. In the end your relationship is extremely different than mine so you should be very thankful for that... No one needs to love like we did, ever. I know that you think I'm totally obsessed with you and can't wait to lash out but that too is extremely so far fetched. In the grand scheme of things you and I should be able to get along for the sake of MY children but sadly I don't feel that you at this time are capable of doing that. It's like you hold hate in your heart and that astounds me... I didn't do anything to YOU. At all. You slept with my then husband, you came into my home, you went around my children... I did none of those things to you. I had respect for you as a woman and strangely, I still do... I actually have respect for any other human. I have every reason to hate you but I don't. I am thankful you came into his life at the time you did, I could very well be dead by now.
I have a family now that means more to me than anything, we are loyal to each other, no knives are thrown and there is absolute 100% trust... I never had that at all so you don't know how good it feels and that's all because of you and your choices that I ended up where I am. So thank you. Thank you thank you thank you! 
My hope for you and I is that one day you can set down your torch and guide your husband into co parenting. 
Children don't stay children forever. 

And to his mom, 
I will never forget what you've done but I will forgive you. You know what you did to me and there is no reason to draw it out or hold grudges. Again, if it wasn't for YOUR actions I wouldn't have ended up where I am now I am so glad that you allowed another woman around mine and your sons children while I was away, you were such an amazing person to me and I am so glad that when I trusted you with my children you were able to do the right thing!
I love my life and you in part are the reason I have it. I hope you too one day can find it in your heart to do right by my babies and do the right thing, I don't fault you if you don't though... I know how hard being a grandmother and wanting to do the right thing but also wanting to back what your children's wishes are. I do know that I would never alienate my grandchild from his parents though, I couldn't imagine doing that... I don't know where you find the strength. I applaud you. 

To his sisters, 

 "The crafty one"
I see Karma found you well, I think she might be an even bigger bitch than you pretended to be. I hope that you find success in your t-shirts and key chains though... Seems to be lucrative. 

"The meth head" 
No really, I totes know you were smoking tobacco out of the lightbulb... I'm just kidding. Your daughter is beautiful, please raise her better than you were... It broke my heart to see you do the things you did and act the way you did. I know it's not your fault and I am so glad to see you're actually functioning in society. 

And to the dad...
I used to think you were cool, you saw your son abuse me first hand but then like all the others you lied to protect him. I pray that you are raising my son to be a better man than yours turned out to be. 

So please, all of you love on my babies and remind them how much they are loved. There should never be a day that goes by where they aren't told exactly how much they are loved. Hug them tight and remember that if it wasn't for me, the person you took them away from you wouldn't have them. Remember if it wasn't for me, the person that carried them for 9 months, protected them and mothered them when no one else wanted to they wouldn't be here. So make sure you tell them they are loved. 

That is all. I am starting 2016 with a clear mind and a free heart. I know I've done everything right, I know I have made efforts and I know in the end my time with my babies will be amazing when we are able to love freely and without chains. 

I pray for all of you each day. We are never promised tomorrow and I could never imagine thinking it was ok to play God... 

I hope all of you enter 2016 with happiness and love in your hearts. 

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